'' The Best Essay Ever Written''

Our English teacher made us write an essay about ‘The Person I Hate The Most’. So this is how mine went :


The person I hate the most? Hate? Such a strong word. So I’ll go with the word ‘dislike greatly’ , makes it sound so much better now does it? The person I dislike greatly? Now, that’s a though question , because there isn’t anyone I dislike greatly.
I dislike chickens greatly, I dislike broccoli greatly, I dislike certain songs greatly, I dislike this and that, but I don’t think I dislike anyone greatly. So this title, this essay is a bit , oh never mind. I’ll make someone up.
Okay , so the person I dislike the most would be Bob. You see Bob, is a very mean person. He does the nastiest things known to humanity. If Bob existed you would really hate him. I just knew Bob, 3 seconds ago, and by the sound of it, I am starting to hate him already.
I also hate Bob, because Bob is an attention seeker. You see, how he is the star of this essay, and he just existed. So yes, reason number one why I dislike Bob is because Bob is an attention seeker.
Reason number two, of why I dislike Bob is because Bob is an idea stealer. Bob never comes up with his own ideas, he just takes mine and claims it as his own. It is annoying Bob. I wish you would stop doing that. Maybe if you did, I would stop disliking you greatly.
Reason number three, of why I dislike Bob is because Bob is Bob. Maybe if Bob were Billy or Brian, maybe I wouldn’t dislike Bob this greatly, but the fact is Bob is Bob and therefore I hate Bob.
They say, love is what makes the world go round, so I guess hating on Bob wouldn’t get me anywhere. If I started to like Bob, that would increase the amount of love in the world, thus it might make the world move faster and we can all move in to the future faster. So Bob, I do not dislike you greatly, I like you very minimally.


yours truly,

Melissa Victor